Dear Santa, when you arrive on Christmas eve, could you please throw a quick load In the washer, vacuum a couple carpets and wash your cookie dishes? Thanks?

The main reason Santa Is so jolly Is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Christmas Is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we’re here for something else besides ourselves. – Eric Sevareid.

The jolliest bunch of elves this side of the nuthouse.

It’s not what’s under the tree that matters It’s who’s gathered around It.

Someone’s been naughty… Santa saw your Instagram pictures your’re getting clothes and a bible for Christmas.

Heap on the wood! The wind Is chill; but let It whistle as It will, we’ll keep our Christmas merry still. – Walter Scott, Sr.

The pressure of the holidays will soon be here. But we’ll be drunk so who cares?